In Between the Resume and a YES

Proverbs 3:5–6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.

I am in a season of looking for a job. Not just any job. And if I am honest there are days I think I would take almost anything. Something steady. Something that pays the bills. Something that lets me exhale. But deep down I know that is not really what I am searching for.

This season has been stretching in ways I did not fully expect. There is the work of finding the right role. Reading descriptions. Imagining myself there. Wondering if I am enough or too much or somehow both. There is the preparation for interviews. The practice answers. The effort to show up as my full self while also trying to read the room and say the right things.

Sometimes it is one interview and sometimes it is many. Each one asks you to open yourself up again. To tell your story. To share what you love and what you are good at and where you have failed and grown. There is a vulnerability in that which I do not think we talk about enough.

Then comes the waiting. The silence after an interview can feel loud. Sometimes there is no response at all. Other times there is the polite email that says they went with another candidate. It is kind and vague and final all at once. In those moments it is easy to let doubt creep in. To question your worth. To wonder if something is wrong with you. To replay every answer and every moment and ask yourself how                you were perceived.

This season can mess with your confidence if you let it. It can make you forget who you are and what you bring. It can blur the line between rejection and identity.

In the middle of all of this I find myself asking God some hard questions. Am I looking for purpose or am I just looking for provision. Am I trusting you or am I just tired? I know I thrive when I am living for His purpose. When my work aligns with how God has wired me. But I also know the very real need for stability and income and rest.

So I follow the breadcrumbs. I apply. I interview. I wait. I pray. I try to stay open even when I feel discouraged. I try to remember that this search is not wasted even when it feels long. That God is present in the silence and the waiting and the no as much as the yes.

This is a tender place to be. A place of hope and fear and faith all tangled together. I do not have a neat ending yet. Just a quiet resolve to keep showing up. To keep trusting that God sees the full picture even when I only see the next step. And to believe that my worth is not decided by an inbox but by the One who called me long before any interview ever did.

Still I wait in the inbetween.